Saturday, September 29, 2007

I'm Sorry. I Was So Busy Yesterday...

The title was a message sent from the mother of my daughter via SMS.

How would you feel if you already agreed and you tried to trust the person to live up to that agreement and get shot down every time this happens? It's a simple thing to let the other person know right? Perhaps a few more details would be better, but No, she'd rather be selfish and I cannot afford to be selfish to anyone who rely on me. If I did they would fall apart and I would have incurred more resources to be fulfilled in a few ways. I chose the former because I feel that I am needed but once I give up, I would really give up.

It sucks right? It may or may not have happened to you but it always happens to me. There is always an excuse. It's like playing with a spoiled kid who never wants to be "it" in a game of tag. She always wants to win.

Mos people still think I am irresponsible because I do not prioritize her and they criticize me for it. Gee, apparently we live in a very biased world where fact is considered fiction and your facade matters. Of course, I am stating the obvious. I'm sure people know about it, they just refuse to talk about it, acknowledge it, and change it.

Bah! I am just venting out. I think I still have the patience for it. For how long, that's a different story.

Screw it. I'll have to get ready, my daughter is more important to me. Even if she never knows it.

I'll just have to suck it up and take it like a real father.

I wish I could be one for her someday....

Monday, September 24, 2007

Two Decades & 364 Days Old

Ha ha ha ha ha

It is going to be a few minutes before the hands on the clock align themselves, pointing at the top....

What does it mean?

I wonder myself, why do the arms point upwards when it is time to signify the next day. Bah, it's nothing really to worry about, I'll figure it out later.

I've been smoking like hell (nothing really new about that, eh?) as I was supposed to go out on a date setup by my friend the single mom. It didn't happen obviously as my date caught the sniffles. It's quite alright for me. I've had a few dates cancel on me before and we can always reschedule. I am on leave this week, thanks to the kindness of my boss and his boss, so I have enough time to do whatever. I've been waking up feeling better and better and I finally see people....


Real People.

People going to work looking fresh from the shower and smell wonderful.

People holding hands as if they are making sure they are waking up from a dream together in bed.

Here is something I've noticed just recently. The real pretty ones go out in the day and hide in their homes most of the night. A possible migration pattern of hot ones or coincidence? We will prove that theory later.

It is times like these I wish I had a camera. Yes, a digital prosumer edition that can last longer. That would be awesome, wouldn't it?

I can post a lot post pictures of this blog and you can see what I see. Come to think of it I do have a lot of plans but everything is on hold till we get Erin's educational plan done.

I can't wait till next year and see if I've made the changes I wanted to make. I also dread next year because I will be 3 decades surviving this turn of the wheel of life.

Now, back to my theory of migrating hotties around. Yes, apparently the cream of the crop still live majority of their lives during the day and they party at night. I've seen them, for people who have not gone out much this past year or so I would suggest that you do if you are interested in hooking up with someone. I usually do it with a wingman by my side. Casually introducing myself alone to these normal peeps are kind of awkward as they normally flock in groups. It must be a cultural thing as they are rarely seen alone seeking new companionship outside.

Now, where do we find people as lonely as I or with low self-esteem (but big ego's just like me!)?

Single bars are pretty much non-existent or I have never uncovered such a nest in the social gatherings I've been. There is simply not enough time for me to search. Maybe next year when I can afford a longer leave and when I can make ends meet for the people who rely in me.

Nevertheless, a minute and a few seconds more to go....

I can't wait for what's in store for me on the next few days...

Sunday, September 23, 2007

Tower Of Babble (V.001beta)

Since Monday last week, I have been meeting with a friend. A single mom struggling to make ends meet and attempts to keep her kids close to her as much as possible. We usually just gab about random stuff but it always boils down to one thing, relationships. She always has issues with her last beau (who is the father of her last child to boot!). If I am not mistaken they have already broken up after a couple of years of missed opportunities to create a family. Well, things had to break down eventually if none of them would cooperate. I tried cooperating a few times on my own but as I told her I think pride has it's own pedestal and chose me to get out of the situation, not that I had a choice but I was never a really convincing person.

Everybody keeps asking why I got out of the situation yet continue to shell out for my kid. I love my kid, it's simple as that. I can only do so much though and I am sure that eventually I will be at the losing end but it does not matter. I've already prepared myself for the fact that soon enough, I will be ignored, unrecognized, and even forgotten. I will not be surprised, in fact, I am half-expecting it to happen.

I always tell my friend the single mom that they are lucky as they had the benefit of being together and they watched their kid grow up together. I would have given a lot to experience that but alas I am very unlucky. For most people, it is indeed a sad tale but so far I have never shed a tear, simply because I can't cry now matter how much I try. It would be a nice, seething feeling to get everything off your chest once in a while but that was already taken away from me. I am so full of emotions, I can't seem to distinguish which is which.

I think I am empty.

I think I am just pretending to be

I think I am lost

My friend made a comment saying I am lonely. Well, I always have been so that is nothing really new. I do have friends but I do not have anything to call my own. In fact, I am actually surprised how I got through everything on my own without anyone actually helping me. I was told I was a real tough nut to crack and 'till now that hasn't really sinked in yet.

I plan on changing this way of life. It's about time I did. It has to be gradual though. I plan on eliminating all (or at least most) of the debts that were made under my name before the year ends. I'm getting my daughter an educational plan as most likely the last thing I can give her that she can use and slowly be an obscure figure of her past. By that time she may already be recognizing someone else as her father figure (Like I said, I half-expect a lot of things to happen). Nevertheless, I am proud to say that I at least supported my daughter in some way. Tell me how many people do that without asking for anything? I believe my daughter is that lucky that I didn't bail on them and I was never given the chance to choose or at least the opportunity to work on it. Like I said, they are lucky but luck can last only as long....

Now, it is about time I have to be selfless to myself not to others anymore, I am alone and will probably always will be. It's a path that was laid before me and I dared myself to struggle on the least used path that only few have chosen.

Perhaps then, things will be better.

We will see...

Mood: Vent Out
Listening to: Two Solitudes - Level 42

Flesh & Stupidity In An Ad That Forgot To Get It Plugged

Here is proof that the world of advertising is never perfect and is still subject to the many possible flaws that other industries may have. Mistakes can happen but that is no the point of this post. The point is how blind we can be to a little flesh and a little more stupid by being flashed with the latest and greatest. I'll not write further and would just simply ask you to stare at the picture enough and you just might be a bit smarter (Emphasis on the just might...):

Got it?

Enough Said!

Launching A Mini Cooper (For Fun & Profit)

As previously mentioned on a recent post, I've always encountered very entertaining advertising when I browse. Here's another one created by Orange Barrel Media for Mini Cooper. Now, I would really want one of these cars despite my lack of enthusiasm for mechanical transportation. Truth to tell, I do not care for driving around a gas-guzzler that pollutes the atmosphere, creates traffic in the local highway but then convenience is always a big factor when one wants to arrive to their destination of choice in a timely and safe (Well sort of...) manner. Frankly, I'd wait for a more fuel efficient and environmentally safe car but my life is a short one besides, I'm moving off topic, This Ad rocks!

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Ooops! Sorry For Spilling Paint On Your Car....

I've always thought that advertising would have been a very interesting field to work in. I've met a few people that have dabbled in the advertising industry or would at least have loved to work there. It is indeed a very competitive industry, though. Only the most creative and silver-tongued can survive the battle of cost versus delivering the message to a target market versus creativity versus implementation to a great idea and put it all in various types of media like the picture on the inset.

When I think about the best advertising I've seen so far, it was the old Globe Handyphone commercial. I cant seem to remember the official title of that less-than-30 second ad but it was about a couple sending SMS messages between each other setting up for a date. The reason why they were sending SMS to each other via their huge mobile phones (back then they were considered small) was apparently they were bereft of the gift of speech. Dude, that really stoked me up and it inspired to aspire to be a better writer (despite years of hiatus and off/on inspiration). I remember when I learned that the mother of my daughter was pregnant, I actually sent out an application to one of the popular agencies to become a copywriter but they politely declined my advances. I thought back then maybe it wasn't for me until I saw this.

Maybe I should give it another shot? Perhaps or perhaps not. Now, I am not in the position to take a risk. I still have a daughter to support and another family to help rise from debt and poverty. When I think about it, I am sometimes glad Erin isn't with me. She doesn't have to go through what the rest of the world goes through but I do miss her and wish I could be there but alas, a choice was made on her behalf. Oh well, that's the way the paint spills, just like the Ad; Subtle, creative, and leaves an impression that you either have to learn or it will just keep reminding you.

I seriously need to try again and sleep, I've been awake for a good 22 hours already and I'm risking a good night's sleep just to write this.

Thanks for reading and enjoy!

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Workstation Confessionals

I came to work one night, tired as the dead itching for a cigarette

You passed me by shining like a soft light with that oh so beautiful smile

It made me ache for human touch, a warmth not felt for years in this tired old soul

It made me feel that warm glow that has lived in ice for so long

I kept watch over it and tried to fan it, first it was too strong and I blew it away

You smiled again, i tried to keep it away from the ice surrounding my soul

It died down eventually

I think I need you to keep that warm glow, I am happier with you when you are there to keep me warm

I still know not your name, I try not to date inside the office but it lessens the chance of seeing someone like you

I am confused on how to approach this, by god this is so difficult, a choice between principle & selfish reasons

It is never simple, we are always in danger and risk is life and life risks us.

Device warns you if you're boring or irritating

A DEVICE that can pick up on people's emotions is being developed to help people with autism relate to those around them. It will alert its autistic user if the person they are talking to starts showing signs of getting bored or annoyed. One of the problems facing people with autism is an inability to pick up on social cues. Failure to notice that....

Read more when you click at the link below.

read more | digg story

Read it yet? Well, if such a thing does become a thing of existence in the global social structure of autism, I do not see it being a problem established on the alleged Normal people. All of us are still autistic in one way or another. Me for example can turn off emotion by will, I simply choose to feel or at least act normal. Call me a Doppleganger of sorts, My evil twin is playing normal my true self is more of a variance form. It's too liquid and volatile to comprehend when I think about it. I myself am not the only practitioner of such, if you have heard of the cliche "We all wear masks, when will you remove yours?" you know what my point is.

It would be nice to find people who will accept your true form, perhaps it could even make the world a better place but no one, not even me, has the guts to do it.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Palm Kills Foleo. Yes, it's true!

Wow! Looks like Palm took Engadget's criticisms to heart and actually killed the project.

read more | digg story

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

3rd Gen Nano, Just slightly bigger than your brain!

Rumor has it that the 3rd Generation Nano will be way better than it's predecessors (Think small!). Someone from one of the rumor mill started posting the picture on the left.

If the said evidence is true, it's still a great portable music player and the smaller it is means it is a better form factor for cool people on the go.

There has been futher rumors of a Nano Video version and full screen iPod sans the clickwheel but the whole front is covered by screen. If such a thing is true rejoice all ye Apple fan boys!

I simply can't wait for the official announcement on September the 5th!

Let's cross our fingers and hope!

For Fans Of RTS (Real Time Strategy)...Good News!

Well duh!??!? You must be a non-gamer, or just a regular citizen of the internet if you haven't heard about this. One of the pioneers on RTS has been announced as freeware!

The Original Command and Conquer released as freeware.
(That's just for emphasis!)

Now, if you are an idiot, been living under a rock or have the IQ of a rock, you can now raise your social status by spreading the news.

Click here for the download.

Now since, I've been kind by posting this piece of news. Someone download me a copy! :)