Monday, August 27, 2007

Things You Shouldn't Be Saying When Assisting In Surgery

This piece of advice is dedicated to one of the few friends I know in the field of medicine, Peter Mark who just passed the local Nursing exams. So Mark, How does it feel to be a male nurse eh? Ha ha ha ha

Anyway, you deserve it. When was the last time we really saw you and don't include those times where you just eat and drink at a party (That ain't fair!)?!?!

You owe us a big one before you flutter off to the other side of the world. Next step would be the NCLEX exams. So you study hard and party harder!!!! Woot!!

Here's my 39-part piece of advice....

1. That's cool. Now can you make his
leg
twitch by pressing that one?!

2. Wait a minute, if this is his
spleen,
then what's that?

3. This patient has already had some
kids, am I correct?

4. Oh no! Where's my Rolex?!?!

5. Ya know, there's big money in
kidneys... and this guy's got two of 'em...

6. Well folks, this will be an
experiment for all of us.

7. No, no, no, no, NO!! Dammit..... Oh
well....

8. There go the lights again!

9. Could you stop that thing from
beating; it's throwing off my
concentration.

10. Sterile schmerile. The floor's
clean, right?

11. Rover! Come back with that. Bad
dog!

12. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived
from 500 ml of this stuff before?

13. OK, now take a picture from this
angle. This is truly a freak of nature.

14. FIRE! FIRE! Everyone get out!

15. What's this doing here?

16. What do you mean "You want a
divorce?!?"

17. I hate it when they're missing
stuff
in here.

18. Oh no! Page 47 of the manual is
missing!

19. I wish I hadn't forgotten my
glasses...

20. Everybody stand back! I lost my
contact lens!

21. Better save that. We'll need it for
the autopsy.

22. Hand me that... uh... that uh...
that thingy there.

23. Accept this sacrifice, O Great Lord
of Darkness.

24. What do you mean he wasn't in for a
sex change...?

25. Someone call the janitor - we're
going to need a mop.

26. Holy cow! What's that?

27. I was at a wine tasting when they
called me in for surgery.

28. Don't worry. I think it is sharp
enough.

29. Nurse, did this patient sign the
organ donation card?

30. Anyone see where I left that
scalpel?

31. "Pass the scalpel" ..."Sure! Here
you go, Dr. Kevorkian!"

32. So you think its this one? I think
its that one, lets toss a coin

33. Coffee break time

34. Can you hear me now?

35. Quick, hide the stash!

36. I know this face, that is the cop
that pulled me over last week

37. Ya, think we should have waited for
the surgeon?

38. Don't worry, she can't hear you!

39. I've done this a million times,
lets see if I can do it with my eyes
closed....ooops, guess not!


Enjoy and Congratulations!

1 comment:

Maxwell said...

that's why i don't like having you near me when i do surgery...